Just a little heads up that I’m alive and well. Haven’t been on here for a while – why? Because I’ve been busy and fed up and all things at once.
But I missed writing and reading all your inspiring and thoughtful comments, so here is a little update:)
So, a few things have happened since last post. No major drama, just eye-openers about my boyfriends character flaws.
In short, he has three major problems that I have now identified:
1. He lies easily (and about many many things, and it annoys me. Why is it necessary to lie, just do it/say it right from the beginning! Saves time and brings respect.)
2. He has anger issues (he is not violent, but he can get annoyed and loudly irritated with rules and regulations, or traffic etc. and it is tiring to listen to and it annoys me that he points out other peoples mistakes, instead of seeing his own, which are roughly the size of the Colosseum. Sometimes he really is Mr. doublestandards)
3. He lacks empathy (like at this point, I will not even consider having kids with him, because he does not have basic understanding for what it means in certain situations to have empathy.)
What am I going to do?
I’ve been “doing” for 4 years. I’ve already told him, I don’t have it in me to fight anymore for this relationship. I’ve also told him that I believe he should see someone professional about his above mentioned issues. I’ve been friendly, but firm. (Of course he didn’t like hearing this, but I’m beyond caring)
I still love him, but I’m not able to work on this anymore, at least not without him making a major effort. So whats gonna happen? Most likely, this relationship will ebb out into nothing. Perhaps he wakes up and does something about himself. Perhaps not. Who knows?
One thing for sure: I have, I do and I always will love him deeply, in spite of all his flaws. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have stayed with him for this long and put up with so much misery.
But life is more, and now I feel like focusing on myself a bit more.
I’ve made a list of to do things for the remainder of 2012 and the year of 2013:
– get healthy and fit
– de-clutter my apartment and life in general
– embrace my femininity and learn to love myself more (I see my glow coming out more!)
– Laugh more
– Have more fun
– Let problems take care of themselves, and be more carefree
– Spend more time with my family
– Spend more time with my friends and re-kindle old friendships
– Read more
– Get clear about my 5-year and 10-year goals
– Nurture my hobby
– learn languages
– Host dinner parties
– Go to the theatre, concerts, and opera more
– become a better listener
– improve my self-esteem
– put myself first