Sorry but this is not a happy post. I’m angry and bitter.

I lost my temper big time. Just checked her Facebook account, and I triggered big time. We have this hobby we do together, me and G.

I saw on her FB that she has taken it up. Equipment and everything. I feel suffocated. He has said to me that he never did this hobby with her, but I know she would not start this on her own (it’s a man sport). I lost it. Why is she doing this after over a year?? It’s obvious she’s trying to get his interest back in doing things she knows he likes to do in his free time. He said to me one of the reasons why their relationship never worked out when they were together is because she didn’t like this hobby. Now, after 6 years and when he’s left the relationship and met someone else (i.e. me), she suddenly wants to do this?? Huh, you don’t fool me, bitch.

I wrote him a long letter and I was so angry. Never should have sent it. I feel so betrayed, it’s the emotional part of their affair that kills me too. More than in the beginning. This was our thing. Obviously he has advised her, because she had picked equipment that is top of the line and not for beginners. Pisses me off. I want a timeline on this. If he has invested in this equipment when we decided to fix things, then he is gonna have to answer up to me. I know, I know. I have told him that this relationship is not good enough for me the way it is now, but hey, I’m proud. I don’t let some cheap bitch stalk us by doing our sport. Over my dead body, she’s not gonna turn up where we are! How can I know that what we did together was “special”?

I wrote so much bad stuff to him now, I was really out of line. Hatred is a perfect word for how I feel right now. I love him, and I want to scream inside because he still touches that soft spot in me. But I am so bitter.

I feel so disabled. After everything he has done, to cheat and lie to me, to hurt me. Maybe he didn’t mean to, but he did. And regardless of how things end up between us, how do I keep from hating him?

Part of me does hate him. Especially when thinking about how he gave her everything when they had their affair.

I know they had a history together, but it still doesn’t make right that he cheated on me with his ex. I was with him. WE were together. They were over. I hate her. She knew about me, yet she still let him have her.The way she looks, she’s even got wrinkles and she’s only one year older than me. How is that possible?? She’s gonna need a face lift by she’s 40.

How do you keep from hating your partner when you discover that he has lied after D-day and forgiveness?

How do you keep from tearing them apart for hurting you again and again?

And how do you continue to love?