So, due to my G being away on a job, we have not had any contact for ten days.

As you know, we live together.

The first week I was frustrated and lonely, almost like I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I was irritated, stressed, in pain, with thoughts going through my mind at an insane speed.  

But something has happened to me. I still feel this need for him and hunger for him in my life. I still feel deep deep love for this man that has hurt me in so many ways. But I also feel a bit relieved. Like I can breather easier. There’s no tension in the home, just….me. There’s no action or words or feelings to trigger any bad memories, there’s just me, me and me.

I kinda love it. I don’t know if I would love it if he had moved out and was never coming back, I am sure I would be heartbroken, even if I was the one making The Decision.

But I do love this break. It permits me to shape the relationship I would like to have, in my mind. It permits me to just sit and feel what my ideal soul-mate would make me feel like. G is ideal for me in many ways, but he’s also very wrong in others.

I caught myself singing yesterday, being ecstatic and feeling something very close to how being in love makes us all feel. This fresh, crisp, new, bubbly, hopeful, unconditional, forgiving, inspiring, enthusiastic feeling of being in love for the first time.

What the hell is happening to me??? How can some alone-time be so healing? And most importantly, what does this mean? 

It felt like this:

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And I really wanna say THIS:

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