I’ve been terribly quiet lately, and I do apologize. My thoughts are going out to everyone of you affected by hurricane Sandy. My heart breaks for the families who lost their loved ones.
When I started this blog, it was intended as a diary of my route to forgiveness and recovery. I was naively comitted to go forth as a shinng beacon, leading the way to forgiving our straying partners. Who’d have known that recovery would be so difficult?

I urge everyone who ever reads this to think twice before you have an affair, regardless of wether you are the person in  a relationship or if you are the affair partner. An affair is such a devastating thing to a human being. It takes on a life of its own, and eventually becomes a question of survival.

I’ve been reading Harville Hendrix’ “Getting the love you want”. It’s amazing, and it’s really opening my eyes to so many things. I am addicted to my boyfriend. It explains why I am having an existensialist crisis. I feel like I am barely surviving without him, although he says he is here every step of the process, I have kind of removed myself abit. My last post was about giving up waiting for him to see me, seeing us.

All I can say is that I am struggling very much with letting go of my fantasies and dreams for our future. They were all lost when he kept lying and letting me down. When I met him,I was immediately drawn to him. He was in so many ways everything I’ve been waiting for my whole life. As a kid of divorced parents and a troubled youth, it was heaven to fall into the arms of someone who would take care of me and protect me.

To be here, in the midst of anxiety and overwhelming disappointment….
Im coming through. I know I will be fine. I just hope to whole again one day.
x C x